It was a Monday morning, and my dad was taking me for registration in the most prestigious primary school in Zaria, Kaduna State. I was excited because I had new uniforms, new white socks, a new school bag, new books and pencils, you know the feeling that comes with having new things. I was being registered to begin nursery one. My first encounter with anxiety was a few weeks into the session, when I was 6 years old, if I remember correctly.
Our tutor had written 1-100 on the board for us to replicate in our notebooks within a time frame. While writing I began making a lot of mistakes, I used my eraser till the pages began to tear apart, I tore two pages out and began on a fresh one but I kept making mistakes, when I checked the clock and saw that I had ran out of time, tears welled up in my eyes, scared I won’t meet up with the timeline and I would be punished. My tutor eventually came and asked what the matter was. I couldn’t speak, but my classmates assisted in explaining, and she said I could do that during the free period since the time was almost up. She urged me to stop crying and cheered me up.
Years passed, and I got to primary 3, doing well and still keeping my lowest grade at 60, which was a B. A friend of mine showed me a piece of their math equations from primary 4. I thought it was really hard and I began to panic, worrying if I would ever be able to solve such equations. Ever since then, I’ve found myself worrying over what I will do when I get to certain stages in life, from worrying about having all my university course codes in my head back in SS3, to worrying about how I will cope in the NYSC camp after graduating. Looking back, I am learning that sometimes you just can’t prepare enough for things you will only learn by experience.
Whether it is living abroad, getting married, or being a parent, which are a few of the things I get anxious about, lol. Worrying does no good, and just like the 6-year-old me struggling to write 1-100, you will eventually figure it out when it’s time. So I am learning to worry less, handle that which is within my control, and live in the moment.
Maybe we will never get to a point where we are never anxious, but we can always learn to handle it better; that’s the place I am right now, handling it better.
