THIS ARTICLE WAS CO-WRITTEN BY E.S. & PAUL
I and a female friend of mine were casually chatting when she suddenly typed, “Why do people lie?” I asked what she meant and she said “One time they say they love you and will give up the whole world for you and later they act like you don’t mean anything”. I tried my best to give a befitting answer but what she said would linger on my mind throughout that night. I was troubled because I’ve had the same feeling when it was like I couldn’t do without someone and down the line the spark just wasn’t there.
Engaging in relationship talks with my peers has shown me how much we don’t believe in love anymore, news of popular celebrities breaking up or getting divorced trends, and whether it’s the female or male partner that is the victim does almost the same thing, give the affected gender a reason to never trust in the other and build a philosophy around their relationships to ensure they never fall victims, not that preventive measures against hurt and ruin are bad in themselves, but when you always anticipate an enemy even where they don’t exist then an ally can be seen as one.
Is love just emotional goosebumps or it’s something deeper, is it something we automatically know how to communicate or do we need schooling on what it is and how to communicate it? The earlier we acknowledge our ignorance regarding this subject the faster we can halt the harm that has been spreading like cancer in the area of love, because in-built in every woman is a desire for a man and in every man a desire for a woman.
For me, I think the concept of love by itself is in stages and takes different forms from time to time. Not recognizing the current form of the thing called love is the bane of the issues we all have with love. I use “all” because I doubt anyone has figured out this thing called love. If not, we won’t see established relationships or love coaches “falling out” of love after several years of being married or living together.
I would say there’s the initial stage of love when you feel butterflies in the belly when you think of or see someone you “love”. However, this period does not last for long and it is important to recognize the need to quickly move on from the butterflies in the belly stage to the stage when you commit to the person. At this point, you are determined to stay with this person no matter how you feel about someone else because you will eventually feel something for someone else.
Recognizing this and deciding to stay committed to this person regardless of the shortcomings you will notice in the coming days, months or years (if it goes this far) will be instrumental in what will become of this “love” affair.
Eventually, love becomes a responsibility when you understand that what you do affects your partner or whoever you say you love in a significant way and you have a responsibility to behave in a certain way for their well-being even when it is not convenient for you. Those actions can be difficult and stressful like having to miss boys’ hangout because your partner suddenly realizes that you both need to be somewhere else. But it is choosing your partner’s wellbeing in times like this that really makes the difference.
So I will say, the period where “love” is a feeling is an inconsequential and negligible period. After this insignificant period, love definitely becomes a choice.
